The Right Moment
by windmarks
Summary: Barba has been looking for the right moment to tell Olivia how he truly feels. Maybe you find the right moment when you stop planning it.


Rafael Barba approached Special Victims Unit a couple of hours after the Samra verdict. Before he went to the precinct, he stopped by his office and made sure all the paperwork regarding the case was organized. He had also straightened up his suit and hair. Part of him wanted to convince himself he only did that because he had a reputation to maintain regarding his appearance, but a small part was ready to admit that maybe, _maybe_ , he wanted to look good when he entered Olivia's office.

As he walked into the 16th, he realized most of the squad was heading out for the night earlier than usual. He figured that, after such a tough case, Liv had given all non-essential personnel the night off. _Good_ , he thought, _we probably won't be interrupted_.

Sure enough, she was still there and packing up her things alone. Although Barba didn't show it, he felt a little anxious. Olivia had been rejecting his offers to get drinks a lot lately. When they did go out, it was while a case was still open, and they used what was technically their time off to go over testimonies and evidences. Rafael appreciated every time alone he had with her, after all they were friends and he truly enjoyed her company. But, over the past year or so, he had started to entertain the idea of taking their relationship further. Barba went back and forth on thinking it was a great idea and they would make a perfect couple because they were equals in every single way, and thinking he was delusional for even considering it, since it would never work and maybe she didn't even like him.

After he knew about Olivia's breakup with Tucker, he had decided he couldn't live with the doubt. So, slowly, he began to invite her for drinks after cases were over more often. Not to try to make a move right away, after all he wanted to give her some time, but to show Olivia that he was there for her at all times, not just during cases.

* * *

At first it had worked. Olivia had turned to Rafael to open up, as much as she could anyway, about her failed relationship with Tucker. The lawyer listened and shared his own experiences to help her. He had noticed that she didn't look too sad about the break up, and soon she appeared to have moved on.

Confident in the strength of their bond, Barba felt he was finally ready to open up about his feelings. He was a man of action and he pursued his goals, so it made sense to tell her how he felt now that she had gotten over Tucker.

Barba had a plan. After the Keller case, involving a mother who lied about being raped so her own son would shoot the supposed attacker, was over, hopefully with the verdict they wanted, he would make her one last drink invitation. Rafael had chosen to ask her to Forlini's again as not to scare her away with a sudden date. During the evening, he would try his best to articulate the impact she had had in his life for the past five years. Barba hoped to, in a not so cheesy way, express how much he appreciated their friendship but felt they could take it to the next level.

"Congratulations, Lieutenant. You've convinced my son I'm the Devil"

"No, Nicole. You did that all by yourself"

It had been a difficult case, and even though they had gotten the conviction, Dr. Nicole Keller still had left a bitter taste in everyone's mouths.

"Are you ok?" Rafael asked her, but he got no reply. "Look. He's a strong kid, he'll be fine"

"Do you really believe that?". Now was his turn to give no answer.

Barba still hoped to carry on with his plan, but perhaps they would have to talk more about the case at the bar, just to make sense of what had just transpired.

"Can I buy you a drink?"

"No, thanks. I gotta go home to see Noah. I just wanna be with my boy"

Olivia wanted to go home to her son. He understood that completely. Rafael mused that if he were a father, he would want nothing more than to be with his child right now. Truth be told, he would like to be with Noah and Liv as well, but his confidence wasn't high enough for him to essentially invite himself to her place. He figured his plan could wait, but, as he got in the elevator of his apartment building, he sent her a text:

 _You're a great mother and a great friend, Liv. I'm here if you ever need anything. Tell Noah I said hi_. – Rafael B.

* * *

After that day, something appeared to have shifted. Not in their work relationship, but Rafael felt Olivia was emotionally distant, even though they were still getting along well. He tried to ask her out for drinks at three other occasions, but he kept hearing no for an answer. Once, because of a NYPD event, and twice so she could go home to Noah.

Rafael wasn't clueless, he had gotten the message. He had been a good friend after the break up but that was all she wanted from him. It was his own fault, he thought, for thinking she would see him as more than a friend just because they had gotten closer.

However, try as he might, Barba couldn't shake the feeling of utter confusion regarding the way Olivia treated him. He had tried to put his romantic feelings towards the Lieutenant aside and focus on their friendship. But then, his secret about Ashtonja Abreu came to light.

When he was questioned about it by Olivia, he quickly saw the anger in her voice and facial expressions disappear, replaced by understanding. He also noticed that she tried to mask her fear as disbelief when he said that could be their last case together.

Three weeks of suspension from any trial or paperwork. _Could have been worse_ , he thought. Rafael knew he wasn't going to use this time off as a vacation, despite the DA practically begging him to do so. Instead, he caught up on some reading, went to a few art galleries and broadway shows, spent more time with his mother and devoted more time than he was willing to admit thinking about Olivia.

After he had broken the news to her, she texted him much like he had done the month before:

 _Like I said before, I'm sorry about all of this, Rafael. Try not to get stressed thinking about work. It will be hard, but I'd rather not have you for 3 weeks than for good. I'm here for anything you need. – Olivia._

Barba thought about how she didn't want him to leave, didn't judge him for his action and instead understood and found his gesture to Ashtonja and her grandmother noble. Rafael… she had also called him Rafael. He couldn't remember her ever doing that before. She had also walked him to the DA's office that day after she sensed how nervous he was. Not only that, she had also put her hand over her heart before he went in. After three weeks of trying to decipher these gestures, he was fully convinced that he wouldn't be able to ignore these feelings.

Barba remembered his last attempts at asking her out intended to figure out once and for all how Olivia felt about him, and he hadn't gotten any closer to his answer. _Down the rabbit hole again_ , he thought, because the doubt definitely was too much to bear. But now he would be a little more forward.

* * *

"Hey", he said, after taking one last breath and knocking on her door frame.

"Hey", she replied. A little surprised to see him.

"Buy you a celebratory cocktail?"

The smile that crossed her face after his question filled him with hope, but soon she responded with what had now become almost an automatic reply.

"No, thanks. I have to get home."

A month ago he would have left it at that and simply tell her to get home safely, but now he was more determined, and fully convinced that this was worth it. Liv was worth it. Rafael would get to the bottom of this.

"Right. Are you upset with me?" he pressed.

"No", her answer seemed genuine but evasive, so he tried again.

"Disenchanted?"

"We'll have to answer to our own gods."

"Luckily mine is a little bit more accepting than yours." What Barba took from her reply was that Olivia did not agree with his method, but she wouldn't judge him either. He thought that was good enough and they could try to reconnect over drinks.

Rafael realized he had been smirking at her for the past few seconds without saying anything. Just as he was about to ask her out again, he heard a knock on the door. _So much for not being interrupted._

* * *

Dodds' devastating news still had them speechless, even after the chief had left, mumbling something about an emergency meeting at the mayor's office.

Olivia was the first to break the silence.

"It seems like we can't ever win", she sighed and lowered her head. "Well, I don't even know what to say, but I do have to get going, Rafael".

Her use of his first name again brought him back from his thoughts.

"Olivia, wait", he said before she could get out from behind her desk.

"Really, Rafael, if you're going to invite me to Forlini's again, I appreciate it, but I can't and I'm not in the mood."

That rejection stung a little, but he wasn't fazed. If he wanted to tell her how she made him feel supported, first he would need to show her why he should be at her side during difficult times.

"It's not that. I know what you're going to do once you get home. You'll put Noah to bed and then you'll turn on the news about the mosque. Maybe even finish that bottle of Cabernet sitting by your counter."

That got her attention, albeit, she seemed more defensive than anything else.

"And what would you suggest?" she asked in an annoyed tone, already throwing her bag over her shoulder.

"That you don't do it alone" he said confidently, with his green eyes fixed on her brown ones.

She stopped and softened her features but didn't reply.

In case his eyes weren't conveying how he didn't mean to judge her, only support her, he decided to put it in words.

"You can count on me, Liv. I said I would always have your back – in and out of the courtroom – and I meant it."

Olivia's smile was the best answer he could get.

"Alright. You wouldn't mind calling an Uber, counselor?"


End file.
